Lootera – the stealer!

I must admit, in the search of some cheesy derogatory lines I might end up annoying you, flip side is you might end up hating this review more than the movie itself.

Nevertheless, Lootera is a big blunder of a movie, I don’t understand why people are calling it a masterpiece or a poem which Mr. Motwane has weaved into a romantic period film, it can hardly pass for a telefilm, I remember watching such short films on Doordarshan in my growing up days and they were so tastefully made that they left a distinct image in my head, those films were technically challenged but had such good attention to details in acting, dialogs, makeups, sets, etc and were a conscious attempt at no-bullshit-pure-drama chain of thought but with Lootera, sadly enough, I could not find the same amount if ingenuity, honesty and the no-nonsense attitude which had put Vikramaditya Motwane on the map with his first film Udaan.

Lootera is an amateur’s movie in so many ways, like no attention to details- you can’t make the audience feel the period in a period film just by throwing some rustic furniture around or dressing up the characters in old fashioned clothes or your lead actress in Saris and braided hair, you need to build upto it, you need to show the small things, like how certain words were pronounced in those days, how would a young girl with her zamindar-clad panache, in her high headedness falls for a chocolaty guy dresses up differently, says things differently, goofs up and still be elegant just to get his attention, all of this was made too easy in the film thus making it unbelievable, less classy and more cheesy. A lot depends on the actors too, Sonakshi Sinha is one fine find for the film industry and can be used in almost any movie, period or no period, as a boulder and that’s it, she is more of a Rowdy Rathore, Son of Sardar kind of an actor, NOT SUITED for intense acting, has a fat face and a big head which scares you when it is the only thing visible on the big screen (one more flaw in Lootera, in the attempt to capture the fine expressions the cameraman zoomed too close to the faces and then the camera got stuck, so a lot of times you find yourself staring at a gigantic face sans makeup, sans expression, very puffy (read pudgy) and a crass voice with the after tones of cuteness not of maturity or of pain and with no focus on pronunciation).

The director wasted some really good actors in this film, like the Zamindar, a fine actor I’d say , was used only as a prop, why could the director not show his pain and agony after the con, he was a Royal after all, his ego was supreme to him and he was robbed of it, he should have been vengeful, vile like Ronit Roy was in Udaan, but what did he do, he slunk into a chair and passed out after a drink or two, was taken as dead and might have been burnt alive, may his soul rest in peace!! too much symbolism for me to digest. Then we have Divya Dutta, only a fool would take an actor of her caliber and have her cut bhindis (and what was painted nail tips and manicured hands doing in a film set in the 50s, so much for the small things!) what a waste. Mr. Singh (the cop) although he was given a lot more screen space and dialog but he was the only bit of good acting in the film so you are left wanting to see more of him. Hero’s side kick (Vikrant Massey) did a good job, had better dialogs and looked like he belonged to that forgone era but again was wasted in the directors failed attempt to create shock by killing him abruptly.

Ranveer Singh was placid with glimpses of an actor in him, he looked good and that’s pretty much all that he achieved in the film, he should really work on his diction, I ended up missing out half of the things he said in the in-numerous whispers throughout the film, again the same flaw here too, the film, the actors, the backdrop, all set in the 50s but the dialogs and the way they are spoken was very contemporary (read: tacky). The film is dreadfully slow, sonakshi takes an eternity to say things maybe she has too much fat on her cheek bones which slows down the jaw movement or something, the film just refuses to move on. The graphics were dreadful, like some roadside multimedia center had done them (nice way to some budget cut), lot of snow but no smoky breaths, antiques in the zamindar’s collection, all close to 200 year old but none rusty or eroded, the chalice which the East India company gave him looked like had been used for a drink only recently, the dreadful Chachaji who is the leader of the brigands was not evil enough, poor chap didn’t even had sufficient dialogs to show is devilry, you would crave for someone like Jagatpal (played by the legendary Ajit ) in Ram Balram whereas you got a good for nothing suited up scarecrow with a 2 min scene.

But the biggest blunder of the film was the stupid, fat trunked, balding tree in the guest house courtyard and its existence to bring reference to The Last Leaf by O. Henry, most depressing and least meaningful, an absolute joke of an adaptation of a classic short story (dear old Oliver Henry must have looked the other way in his grave), I think the tree was colored by the same makeup artist who did the actors, it was awful.

The good things – very few and far in between, but the chase sequence was decent, could have been better, more edgier, but can be passed for as good stuff, side kick’s chase was more drawing than ranveer’s; the final emotional confrontation between ranveer and sonakshi was good, the only reason I can say this for sure is because in the whole movie that was the only time I was not irritated with sonakshi’s big head; and the music, aah the music what fine job, absolutely mesmerizing, I am thankful to Mr. Motwane for not keeping any song in the film, the actor’s desperate attempt at lip-syncing the beautiful melodies would have been the final nail in the coffin, but…we were spared of the pain, all songs are background, you can close your eyes, ignore the film and enjoy the exclusive Amit Trivedi!! Go watch it at your own peril, I’d recommend watching Despicable Me 2 instead!

- NB

Genre: Rock - The first Indian crossover!

Dt: 21/02/12| 10:18 PM


Saw this brilliant movie and am still reeling with strong emotional undercurrents, don’t really know how should I react to something like this…usually in every film a simpleton like me tries to relate himself to the lead character, in way of the hardships he has faced, the failed love stories, the empty pockets, the loneliness, the booze, etc. or tries to fantasize and be like that hero in a world created in his own head, being the action hero, saving the masses, go clubbing, sleep around, be the cool dude who is very moralistic but equally bad ass, etc…and hence a common indian man satisfies his need of watching commercial Bollywood cinema…

But after I saw Rockstar I just didn’t know how to react, I mean yes the movie is not a master piece, yes Imtiaz Ali had done better jobs and yes Nargis Fakiri sucks big time but you just can’t take your eyes off Ranbir Kapoor, your ears off Mohit Chauhan and your brain off the simple fact that there is no insight provided on the character of Jordan and yet you feel for the guy. Nobody has any idea why he is the way he is, an emotional imbecile, someone who is stubborn yet determined, who is brilliant yet incoherent, someone who is lost and finds solace nowhere, not even in music. To him music is only a way to distract him from the never ending feeling of love and its failure. In spite of all this you feel connected, you want to follow him, the music is the link, it keeps egging you for more, to see Jordan in more pain because he will make better music out it! Strange.

I really like Imtiaz Ali’s direction sense, he is not plagued by the traditional habit of taking every scene to its logical end, he leaves things in between and gives the viewer the space to imagine, to think ki aisa hua hoga…although he has not done a very good job with Rockstar but one thing he has been able to do very effectively is the way he has related pain with music, brilliant, very scenic. A film is a vision of the director and is not just the acting, or the music or the dance or the petty jokes or the sex…man I can go on and on… but a film actually is a combination of all these mixed in right proportions and held in their places with the vision and imtiaz ali has been very successful in doing that with Rockstar.

Ranbir Kapoor requires special mention here, by far the best job in his silver spooned career so far, he has toiled hard to and you can see it in his sincere attempt to keep things honest.

A.R. Rehman…he is GOD…he does not create music he creates melodies which flows. His music is so ahead of its times and everytime he gives a hit it becomes a landmark…the ‘jo bhiii main…’ song is one such hit and it just flows through you, just like the way it flows through the movie and you don’t even realise. The background score is a masterpiece, to me the background is very important because it drives the emotions in the film, the actors sound and look so convincing because they are supported by a brilliant background score and in this movie it is just classic!

Who would have ever thought that a voice made for intense music, for ghazals and slow songs could be made to screech in your years and still sound so good…choosing mohit chauhan for such songs was a courageous thing and justifying that selection is a stroke of brilliance…I can easily say that AR Rehamn is the Sachin Tendulkar of contemporary Indian music. And Mohit Chauhan has a true voice a 10 on 10 performance I’d say, I had never thought that he could take up the loud singing to such a liking and just belt it all over the park!

All in all a very emotional experience for me to watch this movie, although I did not see it in the cinema hall (and I curse myself for it) but I could still feel it. I just couldn’t justify the choice of actress in my head, maybe it was to make the movie more sellable because she has done a very average job, and what is with the voice over…if you can’t get a proper hindi speaking actress then the least you could do it is to get a better voice for her…I mean her lips did say the same words but they just didn’t seemed like coming out of the same mouth, and mind you there was no AV sync problem in my DVD. It is just that the voice didn’t suit Nargis fakiri, it is the same voice which has been used time and again for Bipasha, Koena, Katrina, etc and dozens of damsels in distress so for me it was the biggest put-off. Other than this loved the movie, the haryanvi accent, the music, oh the music…and Ranbir kapoor!

Jo Chauka udta hua jata hai…wo Chakka kehlata haiii…..

Punch!..that’s what Delhi Belly (DB) is, a true adult movie in all kinds, has a definite flavor to it and the sequencing of events is just immaculate. Abhinav Deo has made a slapstick flick with everything in it, although I think that nudity is one aspect which was missing from the movie but then Indian cinema has a long way to go before it reaches there.

The casting, the songs (which btw are more of background scores than actual songs), the setup, the mayhem and the serene ending with (bastard you’re paying for it!) catchy innit? The movie is a well thought of affair and is definitely not an attempt to ape western antics, I felt so happy watching a bollywood movie which is finally not a wannabe Hollywood film, yet has all or most of its dialogues in English and has a storyline which boasts of confusion, of craziness and kind of reminds me of Guy Ritchie movies specially ‘Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels’. It is bizarre, it is funny in fact hilarious and it has an attraction to it which compels you to be eager to know further into the movie, it is definitely not a onetime watch and would attract repeat viewers in the halls and plexes everywhere.

To talk about the storyline, the best part is that there is no attempt to explain things, certain things are just left on the viewers to think about, if they understand they would appreciate the brilliance and if they don’t, well it doesn’t really matter won’t hamper the story, most of the directors in bollywood these days and almost all from the yester years suffer from the ‘Detailed-Explanation’ syndrome, they have to tell you everything, they always have to translate the occasional dialogue in English to Hindi, and nothing is symbolic in their movies, like in DB when the gundas are waiting in the hotel room with Tashi’s gf, well although the scene starts with an obscene gesture with the ‘loundri’ guy staring at the heaving bosoms which would momentarily make you believe that there is a rape scene in offering but then out of nowhere Vijay Raz picks up the breadstick and points it at the girl’s head and the ‘loundri’ guy blows a paper bag and they are ready to scare the crap out of our damsel in distress, she panics, runs off, bumps into the wall and falls on the floor unconscious…and that’s where the brilliance of the scene is because you can see multiple paper bags lying on the floor, now that means the game is going on for quite some time now and the gundas are getting a kick out of it, they are not our traditional bollywood villains who would resort to some gana bajan with the heroine doing an exotic dance number (who btw was shit scared moments before)for time pass till the hero shows up, they are in fact cool enough to find a funny way to kill time, another example would be ‘The Disco Fighter’, no pretext given nothing provided it is just a random thing to give the overall situation a funny turn that’s it and I tell you Amir Khan has done total justice to it reminds me of Mike Mayers in Austin Powers.

Some might feel a little distressed with the language and the obscenity but the nonchalance with which all of that is portrayed doesn’t give you enough time to stop and think over it because, firstly it blends into the overall setup brilliantly and secondly there is always a new one right next to the previous one which is more obscene and funnier, there were a lot of such small things like the dry humping, the erection, the casual boob squeeze, the shit spread on the table, and last but not the least the weird cries for help of a troubled stomach (even while it was relieving itself of its burdens)…hilarious all that was and it takes a lot of courage to show something like that on the screen and sheer brilliance to pull it off with an exquisite touch.

The actors have done a good job too, although Imran Khan did not had to act a lot, he actually carried his stone-faced expressions almost throughout the movie (which is actually a God gift to him, yeah…God made his face like that) but Kunal Roy Kapoor and Vir Das were marvelous, they had their timings perfect, they were funny and they actually looked like the victims of fate and their own complacence. Vijay Raz was a big change, for the first time he was in a non comic role and you can clearly see he did wonders with that, casting was very intelligent and I don’t know where Kunal Roy Kapoor was hiding till now but he clearly deserves a shot at the mainstream cinema, fyi he was first seen in “Just Mohabbat!”…yess the growing up series for most of us, our reply to “The Wonder Years” although not as classy but it matched the euphoria, neways Kunal was the dumb fatass friend of Jai and guess who was his girlfriend…oh I’ll give it you..it was Avantika Malik yes the real life wife of Mr. Stoneface, anybody else feels there is something fishy over here or is it just me???
Anyways, the important thing here is that Imran khan did not hog the lime light, no favors to the star there, everybody got an equal chance to showcase their talent and some of them did more than showcasing. The songs are also catchy and quiet remarkably hidden, you never get to listen the ‘Pencture…’ or the ‘D K Bose…’ in full swing and obviously the videos from the promos were actually the videos for the promos, nice touch I’d say, but the show stopper is “I hate youuuu…likaa lavv you” reminds me of ‘Beautiful Stranger’ from “Austin Powers – The Spy Who Shagged Me” Amir Khan is at top form and Anusha looks so cool, the song is brilliantly choreographed and directed.

For bollywood Delli Belly will soon be what ‘Five point someone’ became for the fiction books. I think after delli belli we will see a more expressive version of Indian cinema, needless to say that the chopras and the johars and the nadiawalas of lameass fairytale cinema will keep churning out turds from their constipated production houses but a more free cinema is the need of the hour and pictures like Delli belly, Love, Sex aur Dhoka, Dev D, etc are setting new benchmarks, they are also leading the way, showing us that we as an audience can be mature thinkers who are actually fed up of the monthly dose of emotionally abraded , crassly directed, run of the mill cinema, we need more and we are ready to handle it.


- NB

I am a Non-Serialatarian

It all started with that ‘Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi...’ and then within no time we all were just engulfed into a swarm of soap operas (TV serials in desi lingo) well actually ‘TV Serials’ is a more apt name for these annoying half hour gigs which supposedly “capture the essence of Indian moralistic lifestyles and values” behind anything and everything we, the common man, do.

I absolutely don’t understand why we, the sensible and mature members of an ever evolving society, even bother to pay heed to these mad shows, I mean the last thing that they give us is entertainment and till now I was under the impression that the first thing that we wanted from the telly was entertainment! I’ve recently come across one such serial...”Geet...hui sabse parayeee” with a “third class” background score of ‘maaahiiii....’ which actually is chanting of the word “MAHI” by a group of gay men in all kinds surs and rags of Indian classical music mixed with some jazz, some rock, some pop, some reggae, and what not...blah!! I think the director has a big crush on MSD or something, that’s why he is so fascinated with the word MAHIIII....anyways, before you start judging me for talking about ‘Geet...’ let me clarify that there is just 1 TV in my house and I am a married man, now you do the math!! So after a long, hardworking day at the office when one would want to relax with a beer or something and watch some Friends or HIMYM or News maybe, I on the contrary have to make peace with “Geet...hui sabe parayeee...” with the sound of ‘maaaaahieeee.....’ doing rounds in my head...duh!!

I thing somewhere, some ‘jagruk nagrik’ should file a PIL against theses crassly directed, pathetically acted, jokes which people love to call TV serials and which the modern Indian housewives just love to watch and get all teary eyed and inspired and all with!...we should ban them, they are ruining the fun I tell you. None of them have anything even remotely new or innovative, all of them either start with the might of ‘nari shakti’ and end up making an ‘abla nari’ out of it or it is the other way round and the only differentiating factors are the irritating sound tracks, the loaded makeups, the heavy jewelleries and the expensive attires.
One possible cure for this TV serial pandemic can be going the ‘non-serialaterian’ way, yes...few likeminded men (and by likeminded I mean ‘TV Serial Haters’) can join hands to form an organization or something...like “People for Ethical Treatment of TV Watching Time”, then they can do all kinds of awareness programs, road shows, music videos, etc, to educate the infected masses, enlighten them to better things in the TV (like Baywatch, or The Simpsons ;-) he he...jus kiddin!!) or maybe then rope in some useless outdated celebrity to support the cause, or ask some chicks in Norway or Zurich to shed some clothes and save the common Indian man from the dark forces of evil Serial makers who with some sweet jingle tunes lure you into the trap of never ending serials like Kunki... or kahani... and then you are doomed for life...GOD!! we need a Harry potter amongst us to drive us out of the dark times...maybe I’m getting too carried away with these thoughts...I think I am also infected ...this disease has got me too...without knowing I am making the whole situation melodramatic, and the solution heroic...jus the TV serial way!!!

I want to save YOU dear reader...please wakeup if you are sleeping with a TV serial in your head, and if you are not then cheers to you, please help me in spreading the awareness, please understand the fact that prevention is the only cure for this disease too. Let us all take a vow and stay away from the cancer for our TVs.

Signing off...NB

khayalon ki dakar!!

Watched this movie off late called Rajniti...what a big farce it turned out to be!! Nothing realistic, nothing even remotely likable and the most putting off factor of that movie was the way it started...I mean what a powerful start...I immediately had a bag full of respect for the dear director Mr. Prakash Jha (Mratyudand, Gangajal, Apahran fame) and as the movie progressed with a very TV serialish kinda storyline and incomplete performances from a lot of “hyped” and “much advertised” actors, or rather the younger lot from the cast, I slowly started replacing the respect in that bag with hatred, some guilt (for coming and watching the movie and bringing along my family too) and a lot of loath for three specific people...one for Prakach Jha (for completely messing up with the plot ) second for the fake show doll Katrina Kaif ...I mean why on was she required in that movie, just to provide some kind of distant resemblance to Sonia Gandhi and her political upsurge which the director so deftly portrayed by draping miss kaif in a simplistic looking saree and asking her to give a speech in a confused accent (imitating SG ofcource)..blah!! wtf...why do these directors keep insulting us by throwing such lame, dumbass characters and actors at us, why can’t they get over the commercial mentality of film making and add some sense to it??!! The third person that i completely hated in that movie was ranbir kapoor, yes the teary eyed chocolate hero who did a very poor job at doing an Al Pachino from the Godfather. He's not ready for the matured cinema i'd say!

I read some ravishing reviews about that joke of a movie where critics had done some spellbinding comparisons of it with the great epic Mahabharata, well to me it looked like that the director in his very artistic high-on-dope-and-liquor state decided to pen down his very pervert and mocking take on The Mahabharata, then the next morning, in a head crunching hangover he opened the Sonia Gandhi front (to make the movie sell-able or something...duh!) and brought the oh! so Barbie dollish Katrina kaif and then to make the movie more thrilling, revengeful and eet-ka-jawab-patthar-se types he decided to copy some intense scenes from The Godfather and paste them in the backdrop of Indian political and electoral system (so much for intelligent film making in Bollywood).

Why did anybody not see the resemblance of Rajniti with ‘The Godfather’ is beyond my imagination...I mean just look at it... the hospital scene, the killing of Babrao or Babulal or whatever the name of that dumbass gay politician was, the killing of arjun rampal…there are so many instances but there was no mention anywhere… no review, no report, nothing…strange :( . Sarkar was a film totally inspired by Godfather and RGV did justice to the story, the script, the flavour of the might of power which being a part of the political system still had the audacity to go beyond it and do what it wanted to… take revenge, kill drug lords...etc )well lated on RGV got carried away with sarkar raj and fell face first in shit...but that a different story)…but Rajniti…just aped the scenes and that too very poorly I must say…

Although there are some actors who have put in a wonderful effort, like Manoj Bajpai… flawless acting then Nana Patekar, Ajay Devgan the veterans basically, then the art direction is also very good, not flawless but close to perfect but they cannot take the load of whole film on their shoulders because other vital characters that of Ranbir Kapoor and Arjun Rampal have done a pathetic job. Ranbir’s acting was so much hyped, people said it is a coming off age film for him and blah blah…but I found it very drab and highly expressionless, which forces me to believe that it was not his original attempt rather an unsuccessful try to ape Al Pachino’s classy act from Godfather (another stupid attempt to copy something from the masterpiece). There were a lot of unnecessary scenes like the one where the mother goes to woo Ajay Devgan to join the family and offer him the “gaddi”(read throne)… I mean how lame was that!! I couldn’t control my laughter, had to push a fist full of pop-corns down my throat on that scene and the constipated look on the face of that mother…it all looked like a stupid spoof of some old hindi movie I tell you! the MTv Fully Faltoo types :P

Anyways…all said and done…I ended up wasting my money, time and a big chunk of my mind thinking why God why on earth did dear Mr. Praksh Jha had to make that movie and why did I had to go to see it…I just wish that next time God gives me the eyes to see through the promos of such big-promise-heap-of-shit movies!!

Signing off

NB

My First Blog: A Review!!

Yes sir! This Chatan Bhagat dude is back with a bang, only this time the bang is called "2 States – The Story of My Marriage". A witty novel which will refresh your ‘Five Point Someone (FPS)’ memories. It is a fresh book and delivers exactly what you would’ve expected from Chetan Bhagat after FPS, but to everybody’s dismay got One Night at… and Three Mistakes…. It is like after FPS he took a sabbatical during which some smartass writer dude published two crappy novels on his name, but then the original Chetan came out with 2 States. How did I end up reading the book… let’s see…

Well here is how it began…it was a usual evening, by usual I mean boring, came back late from work to an overwhelming surprise of "Dude…you are spending the night all alone in your haunted/ugly apartment" so I somehow made my way through the stupid T20CL match between teams that I had no idea existed and lost all interest in their existence after watching them play and then a bland dinner which I ate just because my lonely stomach wanted something for company. Then the routine…come back from dinner, talk to girlfriend for 30 minutes happily and 15 more minutes irritatingly, watch TV till 12:00 (sadly) and then from 12:00 to 1:00 happily (courtesy two back to back episodes of Friends) and then Good night! But today was special…first you are all alone and tired, then you had a mood wrecking dinner and just when talking to GF was a little respite you hit the worst horror, No Cable TV!!!…No FRIENDS tonight thank you very much!
So I started digging into my roommate’s drawer to find something to read myself to sleep and that’s when I saw "2 States – The Story of My Marriage". Seeing Chetan Bhagat’s name on the cover didn’t excite me because my last experience reading one of his books was awful, yeah I hated "Three Mistakes of My Life"…in fact I’ve rated it as the worst book I have read so far, but then I just wanted to sleep so it was worth taking the risk. So I took the book and started reading it and within 10 minutes I realized that I’ve struck gold!

The story is about a couple, Sukanya and Krish (a.k.a Hari form FSP) who meet in IIM-A, fall in love, have sex, live together and pass out of IIM as a couple committed for life and all this ends within first 50 pages (I was already loving this book…no faltu ka melodrama). The only problem in their life was that Krish is a Punjabi from Dilli and Sukanya is a Madrasi from Madras you’d think but actually that and the rest of the Tamil Nadu too and to make matter worse their parents didn’t quiet hit on the right note to begin with.
Then the fun part of the book starts when Krish goes to Chennai to impress Sukanaya’s parents, spends 6 months there and works his ass off doing so, keeping in mind that he had a job to do at Citibank, but succeeds eventually and Sukanya returns the favor, successfully too, within 1 week (6 days to be precise). The book is full of insights on Krish’s thoughts, full length descriptions of madness and hysteria, of different levels, in Punjabi and Tamilian cultures, feelings of our protagonist couple expressed in a sophisticated yet cool way (which by the way completely fits in the backdrop and does not give you the mucky feeling of aped western antics).

The book, I accept, is not the most ideal reading and has its flaws but it also has the same old magic of wit and innocence combined with a lot of character buildup, which by the way is not lengthy but is deep and meaningful. You will instantly strike a chord with the protagonist (Krish). The book has its moments and each one of them deserves a dedicated 5 minute laugh on it, no interruptions allowed. The witty, first person, writing style of Chetan Bhagat is back with fantastic results, he has mastered the art I would say, but the in depth analysis of Punjabi and Tamil cultures and the descriptions of unexplainable hatred between North Indians and South Indians is the icing on the cake. The way Chetan Bhagat has knitted the story with incidents from the first novel gives you a feeling of belonging, we know what our guy did in IIT-D now it is time to find out what he does in IIM-A and the life after.

So to sum it up I loved the book so much that I slept at 6:00 in the morning only after I had finished the book and re-read a few bookmarked pages just to enjoy the comedy of the situation and the choice of words. Had to leave at 9 in the morning for work so on a totality the book ruined my good night’s sleep and the next whole day…but who cares…maffff…
My verdict - the book is worth it, buy yourself an original copy and enjoy the story of 2 States…